Calumet Page 7
enough to know what to do in the bathroom by now.”
Wilber’s voice could be used in promotional videos to make
you stop whatever bad behavior you were looking to cut out
of your life.
“Sorry, sir, we were discussing a scheduling problem.
We’re done.”
“Just don’t let him scar you mentally. I’ve got plans for
you later.”
“I’ll try my best, but I’m not making any promises.”
* * *
Iris glanced down her list of reunion RSVPs she’d just
received from Nancy. There was only one name she always
searched for, and it was never a surprise when there was
nothing next to it. Jaxon never sent a response either way.
She’d left them all behind and built a life somewhere else,
and that obviously didn’t include any communication of any
kind. And why should it?
There were certain things she realized as she got older,
and the one thing at the top of her list was that regret never
eased no matter the number of days from your initial
mistake. Regrets were real, and they had a way of getting
heavier to carry as the days passed. The memories were
crueler now, not because of anything Jaxon had done, but
because of her own stupidity. They’d met in high school, and
she’d fallen for Jaxon the minute she saw her walking down
the hall talking to a group of girls.
It was a new experience for her. Young women from
south Louisiana did not fall for tall, handsome, butch
women. That went against everything she’d been taught by
her parents, priests, and friends. Gay people lived in sinful
places like New Orleans or California. Small towns were
supposedly full of righteous people with Christian morals. All
those upstanding people had never gotten a look at Jaxon
with her easy smile and fluid stride. She rested her head
against the window pane and let the memories wash over
her.
It was the first day of high school.
“Who is that?” she asked Tori as they walked down the
hall to put their books away for lunch. The campus was a
definite change from the school they’d attended from
kindergarten until the eighth grade. They now were in the
next town, and the high school was a magnet school for the
surrounding area. All of a sudden there were a lot of new
people in their lives. It would be a different experience for
the next four years.
“You don’t recognize Jaxon Lavigne?” Tori asked. “She
lives a few miles from us but went to Catholic school until
now. She switched to public school to up her chances at a
scholarship in either softball or track. At least, that’s what
my brother told me.”
“I don’t think we’ve ever met.” Iris did, though, recognize
some of the girls from the cheerleading squad, and they
acted like they were old friends with Jaxon.
“We live closer than you do, and she’s freaking tall
enough to play pickup games with my brothers. Total lesbo,
though.”
“I don’t think that’s a nice way of putting that.” She lost
her smile as she glanced at Tori, but her friend’s depiction
didn’t surprise her. Her family wasn’t the most tolerant of
anything, and Tori had learned that way of thinking from
birth. “I was just wondering.”
“Stay away from that, or people will start talking about
you.” Tori waved as she headed to her locker, and Iris did
the same. When she started twirling the lock dial to open
her locker, she noticed that Jaxon was only ten lockers
down.
The long fingers made quick work of the lock, and Jaxon
dropped off her books and took something else out. Iris
knew she was staring, but she couldn’t help it. Jaxon smiled
at her and tapped what appeared to be a leather-bound
journal against her thigh and shut the metal door. She was
staring as well.
“Hi,” Jaxon said.
“Hey.” Her voice was slow and didn’t sound like it usually
did. “I’m Iris.”
“Jaxon. I saw you in homeroom this morning, but you
were talking to someone.”
Homeroom was new as well, and they’d told her she’d
spend fifteen minutes of her mornings with kids bunched
together by the letters of their last name. It’d be roll call,
the Pledge, and announcements. Those would be read by
that senior year’s council president and the principal. She’d
been talking to Ron Lyons, who she’d known since they were
two, and hadn’t really looked around the room. The day had
been nerve-racking enough, and it was nice to see a friend
right off.
“Yeah, my friend Ron. Are you from Chackbay?” She
wasn’t used to talking to people she didn’t know, which
meant Jaxon was probably going to wave and walk off if she
got any more boring.
“We’re right on the border with Thibodaux, but yeah.”
Jaxon pointed behind her. “Want to have lunch with me? I’m
going to the cafeteria, then to the library. It’s okay if you
want to take a pass.”
“No, I want to.” She was supposed to meet her best
friend Nancy and some other people to eat outside, but
they’d have to understand. “Did you bring lunch?” The bag
her mom had packed her was in her hand, but she’d gladly
throw it out if Jaxon had something else in mind.
“I was going to grab something.” Jaxon waved her along
to the cafeteria. “You can find us a seat and you can have
whatever’s in the bag.”
Their lunch that day was way too short, and she’d
followed Jaxon to the library and read as she watched Jaxon
write in a journal she explained she’d been keeping from the
time she was ten. It had been her plan to spend that one
day with Jaxon, but lunch and then watching Jaxon write as
they spoke about every subject that came to mind made her
crave more.
It wasn’t much later that she was in Jaxon’s bedroom one
weekend, and she realized what she hadn’t wanted to face.
While all her friends were going crazy over the guys who
were walking the campus, she’d fallen for a girl. Jaxon made
her feel good about herself, and she made her want things
she definitely shouldn’t want in small-town Louisiana. Falling
in love had been so easy, and Jaxon had agreed to keep
their secret. It was the same secret she was still carrying.
“Hey,” she said, startled from her reminiscing when
Nancy entered the school office.
“Hi, I wanted to come by and check to make sure you got
the list I put together.” Nancy leaned against the counter
that separated the staff from visitors.
“Got it, and we should start talking food and drinks. Do
you think we should charge more and get something other
than a keg?” She’d swear, at every one of these things,
most of the people who attended wanted to relive every
high school exper
ience. They were happy with a beer keg
and hot dogs.
“Why do you think I bring my own wine? I came by
because my kid forgot his PE clothes, but do you want to go
for a drink later?” Nancy smiled, and Iris was glad she was
still a part of her life. “I know Daniel is working late this
week, and so is Ron. If you want, we can take the kids out to
dinner, and then you can come over.”
“They’re at the age where they’d rather not be seen with
me in public. I’m sure they’ll be fine. Whenever I ask them if
they’ll be okay on their own, they jump at the chance. Let’s
make it just the two of us.” She needed someone to talk to
about what she was going through with Sean. The story had
to be told, but she was trying to put it off as long as she
could. Saying it all out loud would be gambling on losing
something she wasn’t prepared to part with.
“Great,” Nancy said. “If I have to cook another thing this
week, I’m going to scream. Besides, I figure it’s about time
we talk about whatever’s going on in your head. The last
meeting was enough to aggravate anyone, and Tori really
laid it on thick when it came to Jaxon. It’s not like you
control her and can drag her back here.”
“Good, I do need to talk to someone, and Sean wants me
to tell her why all these people are talking about her behind
her back. I’m not sure what the hell I’m going to say,” she
said in a whisper. “These stupid reunions stir all that back
up again, and it’s like parents forget their kids are listening
to every damn bit of gossip they share, so the next month
should be fun.”
“The truth is always the best thing, but maybe in this
case you should wait. She’s still young and might not
understand what you were thinking.” Nancy reached out
and took her hand. “You also need to decide what that truth
is before you open your mouth. I love you no matter what,
and I’ve known you forever, but even I don’t understand.”
“Not now, okay?” The sensation of being trapped made
her want to tear her hair out and run. She wasn’t ready for
all these questions about her past. If she’d waited this long
to unburden her soul, what was another sixteen years? By
then Sean would probably be lost to her, and whatever she
had to say wouldn’t matter, but that might be for the best.
“Let’s head to Thibodaux tonight. We’ll find a place
where no one knows us, and we can talk. No matter what,
it’s going to be okay.”
She nodded. “Somehow I don’t believe you.”
“Honey, no matter what people say or what rumors they
spread, Sean is your daughter. She’s a teenager, and right
now, like my kid, she hates the world simply because it’s
spinning. Buried deep under all that angst, she loves you.
She loves you and is going to understand you because she’s
not that much younger than you were when you had her.”
Nancy kept her voice in a whisper and squeezed her hand.
“You know I’m right, so lose the frown.”
“Thanks. I hope on all that’s holy you’re right.”
When she thought about it rationally, it was ridiculous.
Jaxon had been gone for sixteen years and had probably
forgotten about her the second the town was in her
rearview. That made her an unknown, so truthfully it wasn’t
even about that anymore. It was about her and what was in
her heart.
The only time in her life she’d been free to be who she
truly was had been with Jaxon, and that made her want to
cry from sadness. She’d settled, denied, and buried herself
in marriage and children, hoping it’d be enough. It was fine,
mostly, except for that one part that had shriveled and died
a hundred times because she couldn’t ever be honest—not
even with herself.
CHAPTER FIVE
Jaxon sat in Wilber’s study looking at the dark paneling, the
numerous bookcases full of commendations, and the family
photos. There was plenty to look at, and while she was
alone, waiting for Wilber to join her, she indulged in her
favorite hobby.
The objective of her game was to find something new
and somewhat bizarre in the room and wonder about its
history and if it was real. That question of what was real
always came to mind as she briefly stared at the shrunken
head hanging from one of the shelves. The exercise usually
relaxed her for whatever surreal conversation Wilber wanted
to engage in. It took total concentration to follow his train of
thought that usually centered on Margot.
The first time she’d sat in the chair across from the big
desk and waited, the most prominent wall hanging had
kicked off her hobby. She’d gotten up to get a better look
after not being able to take her eyes off it. The M16
camouflaged weapon mounted on the wall above Wilber’s
chair looked at first like all the other army issued rifles she’d
seen in the movies. It was the little lines carved into the
stock that had piqued her curiosity.
The sound of the door closing as she’d leaned in for a
better look had scared the hell out of her, and Wilber had
only added to the feeling. He’d taken great pleasure in
telling her about his time in the military and some of the
things he’d done in the years before he sat in the command
center and gave orders. He’d cradled the gun like a baby as
he talked and stared at her. It was like a warning about what
she had in store if she hurt Margot in any way. Her life would
come down to a little carved line on that gun.
In hindsight, Margot had been smart. Jaxon had
completely fallen for her before she’d met Wilber. That she
was in love had kept her from heading directly for the exit
after her first private visit to his study. It was hard to miss
his finger close to the trigger as he gave his running
commentary.
“I wonder if anyone in my life knows someone who has
killed that many people?” Jaxon spoke to the rifle before
turning her attention back to the two gallons of milk sitting
next to two empty glasses. The door clicking closed behind
her made her wish, as the sound always did, for some
memory of the prayers her Nana Lavigne had faithfully
taught her as a small child.
“Jaxon, how are things?” Wilber’s big hands came to rest
on her shoulders, and he squeezed just a little tighter than
was comfortable.
“Just fine, sir.” She maintained eye contact as a way to
gauge any change in Wilber that would require evasive
maneuvers. “Thank you for having us.”
“And school. How’s school going?” Wilber moved to the
leather chair with the army seal on the headrest and took a
seat. He tore off the seal on one of the gallons and filled the
two glasses almost to the rim.
“Just fine, sir, thank you for asking. The beginning of any
semester is always an exciting time.” Doe
sn’t he realize
milk leaves that disgusting film on your tongue, or that I
only like it as a chaser for brownies? Jax carried on a
separate conversation in her head while Wilber finished
pouring and pushed one of the glasses toward her.
“I’m glad to hear it. Tell me, Jaxon, are there a lot of
pretty girls taking your classes these days?” He raised his
glass and waited for her to tap the other one against it.
“This is California, Mr. Drake—there isn’t a shortage of
pretty girls.” The first sip went down smooth.
The milk, which was still ice cold, reminded Jaxon of the
hundreds of school lunches she’d consumed in her life and
that first long sip out of the tiny short straw after she fought
to get the carton open. The only reason she drank it back
then was to avoid the barrage of guilt the nuns piled on—
Think of the starving children in the world!—if you didn’t
finish the small carton.
The other reason she drank it back then was so she could
use the empty carton to hide the disgusting vegetable
medley that made an appearance twice a week. Taking the
time to shove the little chopped carrots, peas, green beans,
and corn into the carton always beat getting the evil eye
from the old woman who collected the trays and dishes at
the end of all those meals. In Jaxon’s opinion, claiming to
have grown up in the Depression only gave you so much
leeway to terrorize children with stories of starvation
because they didn’t want to eat the vegetable medley.
“Pretty girls seem to flock to you, Professor. You want to
tell me why that is?” Wilber sat back and took another sip
and stared at her until she did the same. “Take me, for
example. I sent my little girl off to get an education, and she
came home with you. Don’t tell me—let me guess.” He
waved his hands at her. “It’s the boots.”
Jaxon moved to put her glass down, but Wilber gave her
the same skunk eye the old lady in the lunchroom used to,
so she took another sip. “Sir, I didn’t take Margot anywhere
until after she graduated. I don’t want you to get the
impression I’m in the habit of dating my students. I’d like to
think I attract people in general because I’m a good teacher.
If you make learning fun, you’ll be rewarded with kids who
are enthusiastic. I love Margot more than I love teaching